Monday, November 2, 2009
I just feel.....
Like I don't know.....Right now I am in a point in my life that I just don't know. I have been through adversity time after time in my life and have felt this way. I have always gotten back up per say and continued on my path. But, this time, I just don't know. I don't have much energy right now, I'm just tired and worn our emotionally. I work extremely hard to accomplish my goals and to keep a positive attitude. I'm a person of character, that's what kind of people I were raised by and that is how I intend to live my life. But when all is said and done I feel like I have NOTHING. Nothing at all, no hope, no dreams, no motivation, no love, no promise, no nothing. I am just continuously disappointed. Essentially that's the story of my life, being disappointed time and time again. By people, by coaches, by friends, jobs, situations, you name it I've been disappointed. As a result even though its not fair to anyone around me I choose to not talk, not to interact, not to carry on dialogue not to do anything and just shut myself off from the world. My worst critic is no one else but me. I don' t care at all what people have to say about me, about how they feel about me or anything else. I'm my worst critic and I dream big and expect big things from myself. I expect nothing but greatness from myself, I don't feel like I am an average joe regardless of what kind of box people like to put me in. I really have nothing else to say....
Monday, March 23, 2009
it's been a while....
Man....it's been a while since I have been on here...I don't know where to start....I really don't have much to say lol....
One thing that I do want to write about is I feel that God has been finding ways to motivate me to accomplish my goals. He's been helping me to try to stay consistant with things so that I can accomplish my goals.
One of the most gratifying things that I have done in my whole life was when I decided to voulenteer for the Big Brother/ Big Sister program at school. I honestly did this because I knew it would be an amazing experience. My man Wylie was my little brother and I just tried to make sure that he had as much fun as possible during the day. From right then and there I knew that God wanted me to make a difference with people and help others that are less fortunate than I am. This situation motivated me to keep pushing myself and keep trying to accomplish my goals so I can put myself in a position where I can help others and my voice can be heard to make an impact on others lives in a positive context.
Other than that I always have to give my spiel about hoop lol...I hope that the opportunities that I have set up work out for me so I can continue to hoop. I'm just trying to put myself in a compisiton that I can compete at a high level.....Like Chauncey says..."Stay ready, you aint gotta get ready!"
Another situation I'm pretty excited about is my old traveling coach Marshawn offering me the opportunity to coach his 14 and under traveling bball team. I didn't quite want to coach this soon but the opportunity is arising so I'm going to attempt to step up to the plate.
Other than that I'm feeling wonderful...It's march madness and I'm ready for my Cuse' to make some moves in the tourney! Mark my words lol. Other than that I'm outta here maybe I'll be back soon....Signing off....
JB2 "Sending haters all my love, X and O's"
One thing that I do want to write about is I feel that God has been finding ways to motivate me to accomplish my goals. He's been helping me to try to stay consistant with things so that I can accomplish my goals.
One of the most gratifying things that I have done in my whole life was when I decided to voulenteer for the Big Brother/ Big Sister program at school. I honestly did this because I knew it would be an amazing experience. My man Wylie was my little brother and I just tried to make sure that he had as much fun as possible during the day. From right then and there I knew that God wanted me to make a difference with people and help others that are less fortunate than I am. This situation motivated me to keep pushing myself and keep trying to accomplish my goals so I can put myself in a position where I can help others and my voice can be heard to make an impact on others lives in a positive context.
Other than that I always have to give my spiel about hoop lol...I hope that the opportunities that I have set up work out for me so I can continue to hoop. I'm just trying to put myself in a compisiton that I can compete at a high level.....Like Chauncey says..."Stay ready, you aint gotta get ready!"
Another situation I'm pretty excited about is my old traveling coach Marshawn offering me the opportunity to coach his 14 and under traveling bball team. I didn't quite want to coach this soon but the opportunity is arising so I'm going to attempt to step up to the plate.
Other than that I'm feeling wonderful...It's march madness and I'm ready for my Cuse' to make some moves in the tourney! Mark my words lol. Other than that I'm outta here maybe I'll be back soon....Signing off....
JB2 "Sending haters all my love, X and O's"
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
2 Thoughts Process 23 Days Apart....They kinda go together.....
Today.....
I don't know why but my drive and my will to do are exhausted. I feel
like at the end of a game when your legs are cramping up and you feel
like you don't have enough left in them to even push back and get a
lift out of them on a jumper or lay up. My will feels tired, I have
been disappointed so many times before that no matter how hard I push
myself inside I feel that my will won't produce results on the
outside. Such a cynical point of view but that's the only way I can
describe it....I only wonder why God continues to give me strength and
serenity to keep attempting to persevere and fight through
adversity to continue to try not to be average but to strive to be
above average or great.
23 Days ago....
One thing that's one of the worst feelings on earth is being
disappointed. When you work towards something or you expect someone or
something to go in your favor or the way you planned it. Sometimes I
think that in my mind I am too optimistic or hope that things will go
my way. Sometime things are just out of your hands and you can't
control things that happen. When it comes to someone disappointing you
it's is even harder because maybe in my case I put to much trust or of
my heart into. I think I have been disappointed by a lot of people from
family, to friends, to people I love etc etc. It's really difficult
when you are in these situations because you have a threshold in your
mind and your heart to the degree that you can with stand the hurt and
embarrassment.
I think that I have caused myself just as much pain as others and
situations have. Me being the optimist that I am I allow myself to be
vulnerable inside and think ahead hoping that things go the way I
want. Being that I am a sensitive person you would think that I would
not be as forth coming. I think with girls I hope and wish and see
things happen in my mind but when the time arises I am disappointment
yet again. Who knows I have been told to be patient, I have been told
to move on because there are "plent of fish in the sea". But that is a
segway to my next thought. Me giving up, me quiting.
I don't have a bone in my body that will let me quit. I don't have a
notion in my mind that will let me do it either. I feel like if I quit
on one thing I will quit on many things in the future. When you quit
in things now you will just be normal like everyone else. Persistance
is a key to me. It's key to be able to fight through adversity and be
able to say I made it. To be able to persevere, but while I feel this
way I always try to think logically. I have to think and consider of
my ego is getting in the way of what I need to get done. With many
decisions I refuse to let go of many things because I don't quit! It's
a crucial thing in my mind that I am at a struggle with.
A thing that I feel is critical with life is knowing yourself. When I
look at myself I see my mom on the inside and my dad on the outside.
My inside, my heart, my morals, values and ethics are from my mom. She
was the person who built me up from the inside out. I think my
decision making and ideology is definitely from her. My heart is
definitely from her too. We usually are making decisions not for our
own good but for the good of others which can at times get us in
trouble. In contrast my outside is my dad, from my looks and
mannerisms. My charisma to the way I communicate with people is from
him. I think we both are well guarded and tough on the outside. With
both descriptions in mind I think that it shows it's like I have a exo
skeleton on the outside and I'm soft inside which is what I really am.
I'm just astonished at the fact that I'm letting the world know this
LOL.
I feel like Rev Run right now I'm writing my blog on my phone and
vibin out to how I feel LOL.
But until next time I'm out....
I don't know why but my drive and my will to do are exhausted. I feel
like at the end of a game when your legs are cramping up and you feel
like you don't have enough left in them to even push back and get a
lift out of them on a jumper or lay up. My will feels tired, I have
been disappointed so many times before that no matter how hard I push
myself inside I feel that my will won't produce results on the
outside. Such a cynical point of view but that's the only way I can
describe it....I only wonder why God continues to give me strength and
serenity to keep attempting to persevere and fight through
adversity to continue to try not to be average but to strive to be
above average or great.
23 Days ago....
One thing that's one of the worst feelings on earth is being
disappointed. When you work towards something or you expect someone or
something to go in your favor or the way you planned it. Sometimes I
think that in my mind I am too optimistic or hope that things will go
my way. Sometime things are just out of your hands and you can't
control things that happen. When it comes to someone disappointing you
it's is even harder because maybe in my case I put to much trust or of
my heart into. I think I have been disappointed by a lot of people from
family, to friends, to people I love etc etc. It's really difficult
when you are in these situations because you have a threshold in your
mind and your heart to the degree that you can with stand the hurt and
embarrassment.
I think that I have caused myself just as much pain as others and
situations have. Me being the optimist that I am I allow myself to be
vulnerable inside and think ahead hoping that things go the way I
want. Being that I am a sensitive person you would think that I would
not be as forth coming. I think with girls I hope and wish and see
things happen in my mind but when the time arises I am disappointment
yet again. Who knows I have been told to be patient, I have been told
to move on because there are "plent of fish in the sea". But that is a
segway to my next thought. Me giving up, me quiting.
I don't have a bone in my body that will let me quit. I don't have a
notion in my mind that will let me do it either. I feel like if I quit
on one thing I will quit on many things in the future. When you quit
in things now you will just be normal like everyone else. Persistance
is a key to me. It's key to be able to fight through adversity and be
able to say I made it. To be able to persevere, but while I feel this
way I always try to think logically. I have to think and consider of
my ego is getting in the way of what I need to get done. With many
decisions I refuse to let go of many things because I don't quit! It's
a crucial thing in my mind that I am at a struggle with.
A thing that I feel is critical with life is knowing yourself. When I
look at myself I see my mom on the inside and my dad on the outside.
My inside, my heart, my morals, values and ethics are from my mom. She
was the person who built me up from the inside out. I think my
decision making and ideology is definitely from her. My heart is
definitely from her too. We usually are making decisions not for our
own good but for the good of others which can at times get us in
trouble. In contrast my outside is my dad, from my looks and
mannerisms. My charisma to the way I communicate with people is from
him. I think we both are well guarded and tough on the outside. With
both descriptions in mind I think that it shows it's like I have a exo
skeleton on the outside and I'm soft inside which is what I really am.
I'm just astonished at the fact that I'm letting the world know this
LOL.
I feel like Rev Run right now I'm writing my blog on my phone and
vibin out to how I feel LOL.
But until next time I'm out....
Saturday, January 3, 2009
First Blog of The New Year
Man was 08 a hell of a year....I'm not much of a "In with a new out with the old!" Phony kinda shit for a new year cuz you need to better yourself day by day not just because its a new year. But It was definately a year for me when shit got REAL lol. Two school years without basketball, working and going to school, plenty of adversity and crazy shit happening. In a sense at times during 2008 I felt at my lowest in my life. Probably as low as when I lived with my Dad when I was little and it was definately the worst time of my life. I wouldn't ever think I would say anything like that but it was tough at times and it was great at times. I really appreciate the people that came in my life in 08. Alot of them were there for me through thick and thin when shit got REAL bad for me. I changed schools in 08, basketball was taken away from me, had a scare with Mom's, watched my brothers get older and make me feel old because they are doing REALY WELL! 08 Definately gave me a crazy perspective again, I think this was another year without a girlfriend lol. On the same bullshit as usual with that lol. I have always appreciated my Mom's but she has really been there for me this year when shit got bad. I saw my support system get stronger for me and stick by my side through 08. Moms, Brandon, Alicia, Jeremy, Jasmine, Nina, Archie, Jordan. Sabrina and I talked through problems we had and in a sense were someone we could lean on cuz we both were going through shit. I got to see my older step sister Toi who I hadn't seen in 10 plus years. I'm definately happy about that, I re-couped with my biological Pops. Shit aint eva changed with him and probably will never but hey we talk now lol.
So to end 08 Vegas it was....Sabrina, Crystina, Mike, Marketa (definately don't know if I spelled that right lol) and I made the short trip there for a day. Left at 6ish got there at 10ish got on teh strip drank a little, was around about a millie plus others on the packed ass strip. It was definately one to remember, funny as hell I'm not gonna elaborate on the stories though lol.
In 09 I just look forward to growth, thats all I can look forward to on the daily. Day in and day out you have to try to to get better. If your not I feel like your hurting yourself and depriving yourself from getting better at life and whatever it is you do. If your a hairdresser and your not tryna get better your f'n up your money. If your a hooper and you don't try to get better on the daily your f'n up your game. If your the President and your not trying to get better your f'n it up for the world. So thats that with that lol. But man I just look forward to basketball, being able to get back on the court in a organized fashion. I still have this fire buring deep inside and I HAVE to accomplish these goals because it's what I love to do....
I look forward to my family because I definately love them dearly, Mom's everybody already know's I love her to death, my stanky booty ass little brothers who I love and have to show more to them so they know I do, my step pops. We so laid back we do ever show it but we both know we do lol. My Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, on every side of my family. I have to show them love. I want to be able to be a backbone for all of my family and be the leader when its my turn. Hell it will prepare me for when I have my own immediate family.
I look forward to just striving to do better, to pushing myself harder than I ever have. To being a man, to being more of a man.
To more fun lol....you can't ever stop having fun and enjoying yourself or you will become miserable.
I look forward to my spiritual growth with God. I have to have it, being at Vanguard is a great experience because it's helping me grow this way and helps me learn more and put things in a different perspective.
I look forward to.....ummm....muthafuck ima say it....Gettin a girl?? lol
Yes yes I know never thought you would hear it from JB but hey nigga's gotta grow up right?? Lol
I look forward to gettin back in the gym this summer lol. I love that shit! It's the best time of the year to me! Liftin, shootin, running. Ciara gotta have me right this summer! lol Better than last when she worked Brandon and I out....
I look forward to more dope music coming out cuz I love it lol....
I look forward to finiancial prosperity....not to flaunt the shit but to being able to be comfortable and help others.
And to finish this off I'm gonna write it....I shouldn't well maybe I should....or maybe I shouldn't but who cares. Man this is the last thing thats on my chest, I fell asleep thinking about it, I was in Vegas thinkin about it, I was thinkin about it on the way home from Vegas, hell on the way to Vegas....Thinkin about my heart, and whether its right or wrong. Whether the time is right?? Or if my thinking is cloudy....If I should try to do it or if I should just leave it alone....It made me wonder why I am the way I am and why I have always done the things I have done in these situations. Why I have just shut things out,why " I'm like a vault baby locked down!" (thats from Hitch if you didn't know lol). Why??? Why ask why?? What is why?? Why is it like this??? Can I talk my shit again??? Lol.....
I'm outta here man....I just felt like writing this. I felt like doing this.....Notice I'm talking about how I feel or felt. Weird coming from me. But um two fingers up, and I'll tell ya like a rapper, Holla back!
JB
So to end 08 Vegas it was....Sabrina, Crystina, Mike, Marketa (definately don't know if I spelled that right lol) and I made the short trip there for a day. Left at 6ish got there at 10ish got on teh strip drank a little, was around about a millie plus others on the packed ass strip. It was definately one to remember, funny as hell I'm not gonna elaborate on the stories though lol.
In 09 I just look forward to growth, thats all I can look forward to on the daily. Day in and day out you have to try to to get better. If your not I feel like your hurting yourself and depriving yourself from getting better at life and whatever it is you do. If your a hairdresser and your not tryna get better your f'n up your money. If your a hooper and you don't try to get better on the daily your f'n up your game. If your the President and your not trying to get better your f'n it up for the world. So thats that with that lol. But man I just look forward to basketball, being able to get back on the court in a organized fashion. I still have this fire buring deep inside and I HAVE to accomplish these goals because it's what I love to do....
I look forward to my family because I definately love them dearly, Mom's everybody already know's I love her to death, my stanky booty ass little brothers who I love and have to show more to them so they know I do, my step pops. We so laid back we do ever show it but we both know we do lol. My Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, on every side of my family. I have to show them love. I want to be able to be a backbone for all of my family and be the leader when its my turn. Hell it will prepare me for when I have my own immediate family.
I look forward to just striving to do better, to pushing myself harder than I ever have. To being a man, to being more of a man.
To more fun lol....you can't ever stop having fun and enjoying yourself or you will become miserable.
I look forward to my spiritual growth with God. I have to have it, being at Vanguard is a great experience because it's helping me grow this way and helps me learn more and put things in a different perspective.
I look forward to.....ummm....muthafuck ima say it....Gettin a girl?? lol
Yes yes I know never thought you would hear it from JB but hey nigga's gotta grow up right?? Lol
I look forward to gettin back in the gym this summer lol. I love that shit! It's the best time of the year to me! Liftin, shootin, running. Ciara gotta have me right this summer! lol Better than last when she worked Brandon and I out....
I look forward to more dope music coming out cuz I love it lol....
I look forward to finiancial prosperity....not to flaunt the shit but to being able to be comfortable and help others.
And to finish this off I'm gonna write it....I shouldn't well maybe I should....or maybe I shouldn't but who cares. Man this is the last thing thats on my chest, I fell asleep thinking about it, I was in Vegas thinkin about it, I was thinkin about it on the way home from Vegas, hell on the way to Vegas....Thinkin about my heart, and whether its right or wrong. Whether the time is right?? Or if my thinking is cloudy....If I should try to do it or if I should just leave it alone....It made me wonder why I am the way I am and why I have always done the things I have done in these situations. Why I have just shut things out,why " I'm like a vault baby locked down!" (thats from Hitch if you didn't know lol). Why??? Why ask why?? What is why?? Why is it like this??? Can I talk my shit again??? Lol.....
I'm outta here man....I just felt like writing this. I felt like doing this.....Notice I'm talking about how I feel or felt. Weird coming from me. But um two fingers up, and I'll tell ya like a rapper, Holla back!
JB
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