If you know me you know that I like to find little quotes here and there to put in my memory bank and when stuffs going bad go to it to lift me up....
Well I was actually listening to a Drake song and embodied this quote...it was something I actually felt...that was something on my heart and in my head that I didn't know how to explain but the quote did it for me...
" Difference between me and you/I just hit rock bottom/ after this I dont have a choice/ I got people to provide for/ promises I made and goals to meet/What you got?"
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
So work from class
It is rare that I actually care to write a paper or anything but with this I was on a roll....It is using the form of confessional writing and deconstructing myself....this actually helped me ALOT! I have had so much going on lately and if you know me you know I hate feeling sorry about myself....sooo here goes if you would like to read go ahead....
Dear John or JB what ever you like to be called,
Hello this is your inside; this is who really knows you better than anyone else. I am the being that is inside of you, the one that feeds you hunger and motivation to accomplish things in your everyday life. I am the one who wakes you up on a daily basis at 5:30am to get on the OCTA bus and ride an hour and twenty minutes to school. I am the thing inside of you that keeps you from quitting on school when it’s tough. I’m the one that makes you want to receive your degree. I am the one that arouses you to love God, your family, basketball, music and beautiful women. I am you, I am beyond you, I am better than you, I am the truth. I am the one that makes you love nice clothes, shoes and music. I am the thing that sparks that pushes you through tough basketball workouts. I am the catalyst that makes you lift weights for a hour or two, do drills on the court for two to three hours when know one else wants to do it with you. I am the driving force that wants you to a professional athlete. Not because you want the fame and money but because you love basketball and because we both know that you can go above and beyond the average that is societies standard. We both know you would not mind the money or fame but you want it for all the right reasons. I am the one that keeps you motivated that when a Coach at school disappoint you that you will continue you persevere through the difficulties and accomplish your goal of playing basketball for a living. Through think and thin I am the inspiring force in you that won’t let you quit. I will continue to force you to not me normal but to be spectacular in the world. I will keep making you want to obtain what seems to be obtainable for the average person. I am the shield made of Teflon, Kevlar, and what ever other impeccable force or detouring thing to stop hatred or slander from people telling you what you can and can’t do. Could you imagine having family not believe in you? Close friends? Asking you, “what are you trying to continue on this route, this basketball isn’t going to be there forever” Our response emphatically, “Fuck you”. I am the reminder like a alarm clock telling you what your Mother has told you since you were a little boy, “know one can tell you what you can’t do, if you put your mind and heart into it you can do whatever you want. Do not let anyone stop you from doing what you want to do and accomplishing your goals.” And you and I believe it, hell we still do. That was meant for when you were a little boy, like when you say, “I want to be a fireman! Or an Astronaut, or no no no maybe a Scientist!” But we still embody the view and think about it day in and day out.
I am the thing that helps you get through the difficulty of life. We talk all the time, you don’t remember? Just recently when sat down and spoke about where you life really is and where you want it to be. We did agree that things have not worked out the way that you have wanted; we did agree that some situations are self inflicted. Other situations are inevitable, some people like you some people don’t and like Coach Dennis Kane taught you, “there are only two things you can control, what you say and what you do.” So that is why the both of us do not stress too much about the inevitable. You and I have an understanding that through thick and thin, rich or poorer, death do we part, we will never quit on each other, or anyone else or ourselves. Wait, isn’t each other and ourselves the same thing? Not quite sure lets continue….
I am the one that reminds you on a daily basis that you have one of the best Mothers on earth. I wouldn’t doubt if she is the THE best. She’s the only person that has only been there for you all of your life other than God. It’s not the financial aspect that she helps you with that matters, it’s not the fact that she does things for you and your brothers that many parents don’t do. It’s the fact that she has a heart the size of the world. I’m pretty sure you can remember when you were around 3 years old and it was just you and her when your parents were not together. You two were inseparable, back when things were difficult for her. You two had to ride public transportation for some odd minutes or hours to be where ever you needed to be. In Erie, Pennsylvania you two would bundle up in your snow clothes and ride the bus and go where ever made you happy. This was a time in your life where you had no worries, no intuition. This is the time that you two developed your relationship as best friends. But I am pretty sure you know this because if I know it you know it. To this day you know that she will still do anything for you and vice versa. Remember in 2006, when your Great Aunt in Philadelphia went to a better place? She could not afford to buy a plane ticket and your step father was not willing to help her get one, (don’t get mad because he is a selfish bastard). You then made one of the most unselfish moves you have ever made in your life. You just received a three thousand dollar financial aid check and you bought her plane ticket, paid her phone bill and gave her money to have while she was in Philadelphia. Wow, I do not want to be arrogant but I commend you, I mean myself, ah hell you know what I mean. Your eyes are probably filling full of tears as we speak. You know what those tears are full of? Love, you think you don’t know what love feels like? That’s what love is, the drops of love are running down your face right now. Not out of sadness always out of happiness. It is a extremely great feeling, love, the love of your mother is not measurable and vise versa.
Now your father, your biological father on the other hand is a very odd man. You and I would think that he would have compassion for his son, his first child. After he had made mistakes throughout your lifetime but, he is who he is. Let me tell you a little story of what I think, after he and your mother split up through all the trials and tribulations with child support through thick and thin he knows that he made a mistake creating you. I think he is just too selfish to care about another being, he can’t be too close to another being or maybe he doesn’t want to have the responsibility of another person. But you and I both know that right? I know that he is troubled, why after years of not speaking to you abuse you when you lived with him? You were a simple child right? You made little childish mistakes, lose your keys, don’t clean up your mess, forget to do a chore. I am the one that was there in your mid and heart when you went through this torment. I am the one that influenced you to get a book from the school library everyday and read it. I am the force that made you read a book a day, to not come out of your room. I feel that I saved you. I don’t think there was a reason for him to beat you up and throw you around like its nothing. Like his form of discipline was the right thing to do. We both do agree that a little spanking does not hurt anyone it helps you gain discipline so that you don’t get them again or at least you minimize them. But John, excuse me JB is it warranted to get bloody noses, black eyes, gashes from a belt on your stomach? I think not, I am the one that kept you quiet when you were young because you were afraid of him but I am also the thing that helped you fight through this mental and physical anguish. Now once again John you are probably crying while reading this. I think its okay, and obviously you do too. Situations like this is an example of the reason why you are who you are. I think this is why you try to treat people well and like you would like to be treated because you feel like you have been to the deep dark floor of abyss and wouldn’t wish it again your worst enemy. But hey that’s what I like you sport you’re a tough cookie.
Through think and think John or JB or whatever the hell you call yourself just remember with all of the things that we have just discussed that God is with you. He is your savior and he will guide you through this hostile thing we call life. Wait, I just realized something, who am I, I mean you talking to? You’re a wild man, your talking to yourself! Well hey I’m listening you, so is the Lord so expel any other kind of confessional issues you have anytime we are hear for you.
Dear John or JB what ever you like to be called,
Hello this is your inside; this is who really knows you better than anyone else. I am the being that is inside of you, the one that feeds you hunger and motivation to accomplish things in your everyday life. I am the one who wakes you up on a daily basis at 5:30am to get on the OCTA bus and ride an hour and twenty minutes to school. I am the thing inside of you that keeps you from quitting on school when it’s tough. I’m the one that makes you want to receive your degree. I am the one that arouses you to love God, your family, basketball, music and beautiful women. I am you, I am beyond you, I am better than you, I am the truth. I am the one that makes you love nice clothes, shoes and music. I am the thing that sparks that pushes you through tough basketball workouts. I am the catalyst that makes you lift weights for a hour or two, do drills on the court for two to three hours when know one else wants to do it with you. I am the driving force that wants you to a professional athlete. Not because you want the fame and money but because you love basketball and because we both know that you can go above and beyond the average that is societies standard. We both know you would not mind the money or fame but you want it for all the right reasons. I am the one that keeps you motivated that when a Coach at school disappoint you that you will continue you persevere through the difficulties and accomplish your goal of playing basketball for a living. Through think and thin I am the inspiring force in you that won’t let you quit. I will continue to force you to not me normal but to be spectacular in the world. I will keep making you want to obtain what seems to be obtainable for the average person. I am the shield made of Teflon, Kevlar, and what ever other impeccable force or detouring thing to stop hatred or slander from people telling you what you can and can’t do. Could you imagine having family not believe in you? Close friends? Asking you, “what are you trying to continue on this route, this basketball isn’t going to be there forever” Our response emphatically, “Fuck you”. I am the reminder like a alarm clock telling you what your Mother has told you since you were a little boy, “know one can tell you what you can’t do, if you put your mind and heart into it you can do whatever you want. Do not let anyone stop you from doing what you want to do and accomplishing your goals.” And you and I believe it, hell we still do. That was meant for when you were a little boy, like when you say, “I want to be a fireman! Or an Astronaut, or no no no maybe a Scientist!” But we still embody the view and think about it day in and day out.
I am the thing that helps you get through the difficulty of life. We talk all the time, you don’t remember? Just recently when sat down and spoke about where you life really is and where you want it to be. We did agree that things have not worked out the way that you have wanted; we did agree that some situations are self inflicted. Other situations are inevitable, some people like you some people don’t and like Coach Dennis Kane taught you, “there are only two things you can control, what you say and what you do.” So that is why the both of us do not stress too much about the inevitable. You and I have an understanding that through thick and thin, rich or poorer, death do we part, we will never quit on each other, or anyone else or ourselves. Wait, isn’t each other and ourselves the same thing? Not quite sure lets continue….
I am the one that reminds you on a daily basis that you have one of the best Mothers on earth. I wouldn’t doubt if she is the THE best. She’s the only person that has only been there for you all of your life other than God. It’s not the financial aspect that she helps you with that matters, it’s not the fact that she does things for you and your brothers that many parents don’t do. It’s the fact that she has a heart the size of the world. I’m pretty sure you can remember when you were around 3 years old and it was just you and her when your parents were not together. You two were inseparable, back when things were difficult for her. You two had to ride public transportation for some odd minutes or hours to be where ever you needed to be. In Erie, Pennsylvania you two would bundle up in your snow clothes and ride the bus and go where ever made you happy. This was a time in your life where you had no worries, no intuition. This is the time that you two developed your relationship as best friends. But I am pretty sure you know this because if I know it you know it. To this day you know that she will still do anything for you and vice versa. Remember in 2006, when your Great Aunt in Philadelphia went to a better place? She could not afford to buy a plane ticket and your step father was not willing to help her get one, (don’t get mad because he is a selfish bastard). You then made one of the most unselfish moves you have ever made in your life. You just received a three thousand dollar financial aid check and you bought her plane ticket, paid her phone bill and gave her money to have while she was in Philadelphia. Wow, I do not want to be arrogant but I commend you, I mean myself, ah hell you know what I mean. Your eyes are probably filling full of tears as we speak. You know what those tears are full of? Love, you think you don’t know what love feels like? That’s what love is, the drops of love are running down your face right now. Not out of sadness always out of happiness. It is a extremely great feeling, love, the love of your mother is not measurable and vise versa.
Now your father, your biological father on the other hand is a very odd man. You and I would think that he would have compassion for his son, his first child. After he had made mistakes throughout your lifetime but, he is who he is. Let me tell you a little story of what I think, after he and your mother split up through all the trials and tribulations with child support through thick and thin he knows that he made a mistake creating you. I think he is just too selfish to care about another being, he can’t be too close to another being or maybe he doesn’t want to have the responsibility of another person. But you and I both know that right? I know that he is troubled, why after years of not speaking to you abuse you when you lived with him? You were a simple child right? You made little childish mistakes, lose your keys, don’t clean up your mess, forget to do a chore. I am the one that was there in your mid and heart when you went through this torment. I am the one that influenced you to get a book from the school library everyday and read it. I am the force that made you read a book a day, to not come out of your room. I feel that I saved you. I don’t think there was a reason for him to beat you up and throw you around like its nothing. Like his form of discipline was the right thing to do. We both do agree that a little spanking does not hurt anyone it helps you gain discipline so that you don’t get them again or at least you minimize them. But John, excuse me JB is it warranted to get bloody noses, black eyes, gashes from a belt on your stomach? I think not, I am the one that kept you quiet when you were young because you were afraid of him but I am also the thing that helped you fight through this mental and physical anguish. Now once again John you are probably crying while reading this. I think its okay, and obviously you do too. Situations like this is an example of the reason why you are who you are. I think this is why you try to treat people well and like you would like to be treated because you feel like you have been to the deep dark floor of abyss and wouldn’t wish it again your worst enemy. But hey that’s what I like you sport you’re a tough cookie.
Through think and think John or JB or whatever the hell you call yourself just remember with all of the things that we have just discussed that God is with you. He is your savior and he will guide you through this hostile thing we call life. Wait, I just realized something, who am I, I mean you talking to? You’re a wild man, your talking to yourself! Well hey I’m listening you, so is the Lord so expel any other kind of confessional issues you have anytime we are hear for you.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Man oh man
How stressful can stuff be man...I gotta move, still trying to find a job...lots of schoolwork to do....I dont know what to do. I feel like when one bad thing happens its continually happening lately. I can't lie deep down inside I'm hurting. I get one of the things I love the most taken away from me (basketball) and then stuff just piles up. Right now its real tough for me. If I didnt have my faith and my mother I dont know where I would be. Mom's told me last weekend whate I have been feeling all along, " With all the stuff you have gone through in college you must be destined to do something great." Man that coming from her...the same exact thought that BG and I always feel...wow...its a crazy feeling. Like Issiah Thomas said, " If you can't persavere when you fall you will be like everyone else." Personally I am trying to be great in every aspect of life so when I fall I keep getting back up. I dont let anyone tell me what I can and can't do I keep chippin away when I face adversity. Hope everyones is good...back to business for me..politics as usual.
JB
JB
Monday, October 20, 2008
Lately
Soooo if anyone care lately nothing much has been going on. Just been slackin on hw, going to SD to chill with the familia and eat free food. Tryna make moves so I can play next year. Oh and not to mention me having to move. Thank God all mighty, he blessed me with a opportunity to find a place to live after a spontaneous situation.
Other than that...I dont have much to say lol. I need to stay consistant on my blogs...
Until then later.
Other than that...I dont have much to say lol. I need to stay consistant on my blogs...
Until then later.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
one more thing before I go home tonight....
My sexy ass friend BB got a dope ass blog....
I'm tryna get like that....
nawwww i'm tryna be better....
Told you these nigga's aint better than me! Like a snippier on the roof.... I got em by a long shot!
I'm tryna get like that....
nawwww i'm tryna be better....
Told you these nigga's aint better than me! Like a snippier on the roof.... I got em by a long shot!
One more thought
I will not lose....
God made me out of Teflon to repel adversity bullets....
I keep takin em and they are going to keep bouncin off of me....
Like my man Mr. Big Shot said..."No Pain No Fame"
I WILL NOT LOSE!
God made me out of Teflon to repel adversity bullets....
I keep takin em and they are going to keep bouncin off of me....
Like my man Mr. Big Shot said..."No Pain No Fame"
I WILL NOT LOSE!
Just my thoughts man
Well today is another day at school, I'm supposed to be here until 9 tonight but we will see how that goes. I feelin good today, hence I am writing on here. I just need to stay focused on my tasks at hand and I think I will be good. Go day by day and just knock out what needs to be done
On a another note here's my thoughts....
Pacman Jones apparently does not want to play football, once again he does something dumb. I mean I love underdogs I am one myself. But he has to show self control when he's away from the football field because every little thing he does can come back to bite him in the ass.
The NBA and College season is about to start, can't wait to see that. I would rather be playing but hey I guess I just have to suck it up again. My Pistons gotta come through from me this year. To much talent not enough urgentcy to get back over that hump. Syracuse needs to make some noise this year. No injuries, easy system no reason why they can't.
Football season is going good as usual, I must be a sucker for being a 49ers fan but oh well. I just pray that they improve year by year lol.
Man I just got outta this BS Comm class....its on Christianity and Artistic Culture...so basically all we have done is read straight out of the book and now that that unit is over we are talkin about movies and doin long ass packets on em! Like 29 page packets!!
So Vanguard so far...pretty damn easy considering I am taking 19 units....Its way different from public schools the teachers actually care about helping you learn. Its a little dry I really have no social life here then again I dont need to because I want to get the hell out of school.
This shit is still killin me about not being able to play though....Man i miss basketball....many would think it's a hoop dream, hey you have the right to your opinion but this is something that I love to do and that I know I can get paid to do it. Apparently people don't believe in me but thats what makes me want to do it even more. I mean people would probably say, "go to school get yoru degree dont worry about basketball." But......Getting my degree is inevitable, I'm gonna do that! Regardless....so why not prepare myself to do something else I love doing and have fun donig it. Hell I'm 22, don't have a family or a child to take care of I mind as well. I know I'm good enough to. But thats my basketball rant for the day.
I have also come to the realization that I pretty much do not have a life anymore. I dont go out, don't do anything, doing hangout with anyone. Hell I dont ever play basketball right now!!! I'm in class...at school doing hw or at home doin homework. I don't mind it though.
Wellllll I think I'm done for the day....I'm going to finish up this paper then head to the house....Until we meet again later alligator....
JB
On a another note here's my thoughts....
Pacman Jones apparently does not want to play football, once again he does something dumb. I mean I love underdogs I am one myself. But he has to show self control when he's away from the football field because every little thing he does can come back to bite him in the ass.
The NBA and College season is about to start, can't wait to see that. I would rather be playing but hey I guess I just have to suck it up again. My Pistons gotta come through from me this year. To much talent not enough urgentcy to get back over that hump. Syracuse needs to make some noise this year. No injuries, easy system no reason why they can't.
Football season is going good as usual, I must be a sucker for being a 49ers fan but oh well. I just pray that they improve year by year lol.
Man I just got outta this BS Comm class....its on Christianity and Artistic Culture...so basically all we have done is read straight out of the book and now that that unit is over we are talkin about movies and doin long ass packets on em! Like 29 page packets!!
So Vanguard so far...pretty damn easy considering I am taking 19 units....Its way different from public schools the teachers actually care about helping you learn. Its a little dry I really have no social life here then again I dont need to because I want to get the hell out of school.
This shit is still killin me about not being able to play though....Man i miss basketball....many would think it's a hoop dream, hey you have the right to your opinion but this is something that I love to do and that I know I can get paid to do it. Apparently people don't believe in me but thats what makes me want to do it even more. I mean people would probably say, "go to school get yoru degree dont worry about basketball." But......Getting my degree is inevitable, I'm gonna do that! Regardless....so why not prepare myself to do something else I love doing and have fun donig it. Hell I'm 22, don't have a family or a child to take care of I mind as well. I know I'm good enough to. But thats my basketball rant for the day.
I have also come to the realization that I pretty much do not have a life anymore. I dont go out, don't do anything, doing hangout with anyone. Hell I dont ever play basketball right now!!! I'm in class...at school doing hw or at home doin homework. I don't mind it though.
Wellllll I think I'm done for the day....I'm going to finish up this paper then head to the house....Until we meet again later alligator....
JB
Saturday, October 11, 2008
My first blog
I kinda go into this blogging stuff from my man Gilbert Arenas. Well he's not really my man (no homo) but I like his game and his state of mind. No one ever believed in him kinda like no one really believes in me accomplishing the things I want to do with my life. But beside all that before I start getting pissed off lol
Today I'm feeling good, in SD at the parents house eatin up all their food watching cable (since we are deprived at my apt lol) on their big ass TV. Went out last night to a bar, first time I've been out in like 9 months. I'm wonderful though thinking about the next move I want to make as usual. Worried about doing all this damn homework too. But I kinda like this bloggin joint, I'll get all my abstract thoughts out that I think of on the daily with this....But uhhh until we meet again two fingers up, holla front.
JB
Today I'm feeling good, in SD at the parents house eatin up all their food watching cable (since we are deprived at my apt lol) on their big ass TV. Went out last night to a bar, first time I've been out in like 9 months. I'm wonderful though thinking about the next move I want to make as usual. Worried about doing all this damn homework too. But I kinda like this bloggin joint, I'll get all my abstract thoughts out that I think of on the daily with this....But uhhh until we meet again two fingers up, holla front.
JB
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